Create your own detective show

The idea is simple. Come up with a detective or police show in the mould of various cheesy (mostly ITV screened) TV dramas. Rosemary & Thyme, Murder She Wrote, Dalziel & Pascoe, Starsky & Hutch, all that malarky. We need to know the names of your show/duo, who plays them, their catchphrases/backstories, and what they get up to. A synopsis of a sample episode would also be good.

Come on everyone, I reckon we’re all going to have at least one, we’ve all seen enough of this shit over the years.


Have a look at the group here.


Here's one to get the ball rolling.

COCK & BALLS

Cock & Balls are two retired Yorkshire dwellers. Neil ‘Cock’ Badcock is a moody Jewish ex-boxer played by John Prescott, and his much loved catchphrase “C’mon, let’s ‘ave a fooking pie!” ends most episodes of the show. His partner is Mervyn Balls is a flustered and effeminate piano tuner played by Alan Bennett, his constant refrain “Ooh, we’re going to get into ever so much trouble about this!’ has been known to drive Daily Mail readers to levels of hysterical anger not seen since Eddie Murphy was cast as Nora Batty in the short lived reboot of ‘Last of the Summer Wine’. Together they solve mysteries in the peaceable (and exclusively white) village of Upper Scrumpton, and in a multi-series plot live uncover and expose a satanist paedophile ring being run by local librarian, and Cock’s ex wife, Cindy Hambleton (played by Nick Berry).

Sample episode - TOTALLY ADDICTED TO PASTE.

Cock and Balls are puzzled when a hit and run at the local Tesco Metro sees all jars of curry paste brutally smashed. When an emergency delivery convoy from Pataks is destroyed in a puzzling bridge explosion, the pair suspect foul play. This culprit is eventually revealed to be the episode’s guest star (one of the ginger twins from Harry Potter) as the shifty looking chef at Upper Scrumpton’s pub, who has been told to stop making curry with currants in it by the new owners of The Moose & Cow. In a humorous sub plot, Balls gets into trouble when tuning the piano of randy old Mrs Sutcliffe (James Cosmo).